THE ASSHOLE LIST

A docket of douchebaggery

Because although we all fuck up sometimes,
at least we're not them.
Love:  Sometimes it can be a real asshole.  

Love:  Sometimes it can be a real asshole.  

Jerry Sandusky:  I’m going to go out on a limb here.  Guilty. Asshole.

Jerry Sandusky:  I’m going to go out on a limb here.  Guilty. Asshole.

Bill Maher: Even people who agree with him think he’s an asshole. (And the skinny ties don’t fool us Maher. You’re a tiny, tiny man.)

Bill Maher: Even people who agree with him think he’s an asshole.

(And the skinny ties don’t fool us Maher. You’re a tiny, tiny man.)

The two douchebags on the left are The Biggest Assholes in Texas. Give the kid the damn ball.

Bobby Petrino:  Arkansas Asshole

Bobby Petrino:  Arkansas Asshole

Lowering the Bar

Nowhere near worthy of being Alltime Assholes, but they’re working on it.  They belong here as much as anyone:

Michael Moore:  A fat and bitter asshole with a film camera.  Watch out.

            


Bill O’Reilly: An angry white man who knows that being an asshole means ratings.

              


Kanye West:  No talent. No clue.  Asshole.

                   

Mark Zuckerberg:  He stole the idea. Period.  Asshole.

                 


Cam Newton:  Asshole with an arm.

                    


Donald Trump:   Even his hair is an asshole.

        


Barney Frank:  Insert your own joke here. (And wash with soap and water after.)

                            


Barry Bonds:  An artifically-enlarged asshole.

                  


Lance Armstrong:  An asshole with no balls. Literally.

                           


Kobe Bryant:  Asshole in LA.  Shocker.

                     


Chris Brown:  Hit a girl.  Asshole.

               


Jose Canseco:  (see Bonds, Barry)

               


Drew Peterson:   An asshole’s asshole.

             

All-Time Assholes

Let’s start with some of the biggest there’ve ever been….the inaugural class of All-Time Assholes.  What would an Asshole List be without (in no particular order)?:

ADOLF HITLER:  The Gold Standard


OSAMA BIN LADEN:  Took us a while, but we finally found our asshole


OJ SIMPSON:  He killed only two people but still warrants world class asshole status

                          


KIM JONG-IL:  He insisted on being called “Supreme Leader.”  And he was.  Of the assholes.

                           


BERNIE MADOFF:   Anyone who bears even the slightest resemblance to the rat-like Madoff will face suspicion of being an asshole.  Just because.